And as a human you're doing this crazy dance of relating to all the daily life details and things that seem important and eating and dressing and relation-ing. And you're also feeling this bigger space that you know is there but not always. And you're wanting to feel it more. So you do the things you know are helpful. Then you don't and you beat yourself up about it. Then you do. Then you don't. This cycle keeps going on and on...
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. Albert Einstein
We are all insane. Our patterning and beliefs have created circuitry that supports our insanity. It's what we're used to. And so many of us are used to blaming ourselves when we make a mistake, or don't show up the way we know we can. I've written about this a lot, because this is me. There are a lot of ways to shift that patterning and (as far as I know) they all involve being aware of what our subconscious is doing. There's a certain vigilance that is needed when we rewire. Theta healing and meditation are at the top of my list, but there's the daily attention that we need to remind ourselves that we are working to do things differently.
But the thing that doesn't get talked about enough is forgiveness. Specifically self-forgiveness. When we think of it we tend to have the focus on the other person. We think of someone else that has wronged us. But we need to begin with ourselves.
So here you are, in the moment of realizing the big fuck-up. And you feel the wave of shame wash over you. Oh shit. I can't believe I did that. Here's a few things you can do:
First, take a moment to just be with it and acknowledge it. If you're someone who wants to put the blame elsewhere in order not to feel bad, this is the time to just be with what you did. Feel it. It doesn't feel good, but this initial allowing will make it easier down the road. Pinkie swear.
Recognize that you are not a bad person just because you made this mistake. You may need to make an apology, but you are not apologizing for who you are. You are apologizing for a thing you did.
Rinse, lather, repeat: you'll need to go through these steps a few times.
Remind yourself of the power you have inside your body. Feel into this power and see if you can own it and be powerful within the moment of humility. Being in your power means staying connected to yourself. Can you stay connected, even if you feel crummy?
And send yourself some love. If need be, imagine yourself as a 2 year old that made the same mistake. Chances are, you'd cut them some slack, while being loving towards them.
Even if this is a repeated mistake, beating yourself up and trying to shame yourself into change is not the answer. Can you find kindness while looking for ways to set yourself up for success? Can you offer kindness while looking at why you repeat the same mistake?
When we begin with ourselves, it becomes a much softer situation, and our softness can extend outside of ourselves when others make mistakes. We are humans. All of us.